I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
