So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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