You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
