Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
