Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
