what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
