OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize