Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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