New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
