Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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