Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
