You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I didn't shave. On purpose
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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