How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize