the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
