Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
