I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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