Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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