K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
