sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
