my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
