That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
