so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
