U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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