So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
