I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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