Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.

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(408): View more from California

i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight

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(903): View more from Texas

How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?

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(847): View more from Illinois

On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay

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(734): View more from Michigan

The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name

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(630): View more from Illinois

if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.

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