Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
