ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
