man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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