idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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