no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
