I want to walk on stilts...naked
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
