searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
