is your mom at the bar?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize