ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
