will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
