Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
vagina is talking i cant
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
