i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
