I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
