haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize