The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
