I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
