i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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