I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This is my gift to your gina
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
