he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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