Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
