Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize