Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
