Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
