I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
