Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
