i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
