Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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