I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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