Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
