I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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