If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
