On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
