Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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