I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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