I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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