Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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