I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
