grandma shit on top of the toilet
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
