The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
