i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
