Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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