I need help removing her.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
