you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
