highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
