sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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