I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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