I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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