so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
