I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
