Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
